As someone who was adopted at a young age from Africa into a white family, I’ve had my fair share of uncomfortable questions asked by strangers.
A lot of questions feel more like statements from people who assume your life is better growing up in a western country and family.
They also seem unaware of all the issues a child may face in the process surrounding adoption.
So today I thought I would do something different on my blog and highlight 6 questions that many adopted kids don’t like to be asked.
PLEASE keep in mind, the answers to these frequently asked questions are from my own viewpoint
And these answers will vary from every adopted child you may meet.
#1 Did your biological family not want you?
I can not begin to tell you, how much this question is a big no, no. But personally, for me, I was not born in arms that did not want me.
They didn’t have the ability to give me the life they wanted for me. So, they placed me up for adoption to try and give me a better life.
#2 Do you feel lucky that you were adopted?
No I don’t feel lucky I was adopted. Not being able to grow up with your own parents is not something a child feels lucky about.
You are processing different kinds of losses and have to work through trauma. Not growing up with your parents and having to adapt to living in a new and totally different country and family is not easy.
#3 You must feel more at home here then back in your country
where I feel at home isn’t defined by what country I have spent the most time in.
It all comes down to the people that I surround myself with to make a place feel like home.
#4 Don’t you think you’re better off being adopted?
We don’t have the ability to see how things would have gone if I wasn’t adopted.
I can’t truly say life with my adopted parents was better than the life I may have had with my biological parents.
We can only make assumptions to what would’ve happened.
#5 Can I touch your hair?
Firstly, thank you for asking and not just going ahead and touching my hair.
But hair is hair, we just have a different kind of texture compared to most western people.
But no one regardless of who you are, enjoys a stranger touching their hair.
#6 Do you get darker in the sun in summer?
I always feel the urge to simply say, ”does it matter”.
Are you going to look at me differently if I am one shade darker?
But on a serious note, this question should probably be dropped off your list. It’s a pointless question.