A lesson learnt the hard way

A lesson learnt the hard way

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You don’t need the people that abandoned you when you needed them the most.

Let me repeat that, you don’t need them!

My heart goes out to people Who have the courage to speak up about sexual abuse who are

now dealing with the after effects of going through the trauma.

Sometimes you are met with words like, You brought this on yourself.

 I do not believe you, or you are simply met with silence by those who did not care to take your claim seriously.

Perhaps you have been left to climb the mountain of healing with only your therapist and doctor beside you?

There are so many stages you will go through leaving you feeling so vulnerable.

You might be Someone who is lucky and have people who are fighting in your corner but for those who are not so blessed, I encourage you to read on.

if I had found stories of people that had walked this road and had made it. it would have helped me realise that I had all the help I needed

right beside me while I went through my own personal journey.

This is my story, and I hope that it may inspire you to choose to believe in yourself and the team fighting beside you and for you.

When news of my sexual assault was told to my adopted family it was meet with what I would call disbelief.

perhaps they did not wish to Believe because I had shone a light on my abuser, their son.

Don’t get me wrong, I did receive messages, the gist of it all was, sorry for something that happened so long ago, and they hoped I would get the help I needed.

There was no I stand by you.  there was no outcry for the injustice I had suffered.

I had carried that secret of shame for many years, a burden that should have never been on my shoulders.

I cannot describe to you the pain I felt in my heart.

the nightmare I had lived with for so many years was simply a small scratch in their eyes.

I began to become mentally ill, and my condition grew worse over time as my brain battled to understand what was happening to my world.

Sleep was a distant luxury; I can’t even remember what it feels like to fall asleep without the aid of medication to induce me into a false lullaby.

In my need to understand why I did not receive the comfort I deserved I convinced myself that if I could show them the truth they wouldn’t abandon me so easily, but I was wrong.

The more I provided evidence the more they tried to poke holes in my story Until I had reached a breaking point.

I was torn apart, I broke down in my therapist office asking him through my tears, why did they not wish to see the truth?

Why did they decide to fight only to prove me wrong?

I remember the words that were sent to me, I think they thought it was out of comfort but instead, it vexed me.

“As parents, we love you both equally and we do not want to pick sides because the truth is unclear to see”.

Even after I had shown that I wasn’t the only one that had been touched by this monster, they still seemed to be unfazed by the truth.

when I read the message, it hit me. They were waiting for time to pass to heal the ache I felt inside me, they thought time would heal my anger and dissolve my quest for justice.

But time worked against them, for every day they did not stand beside me, my anger grew with it. 

I began to resent them; I began to see through them clearly.

They were not coming to stand beside me.

They would never believe me, to believe me would be admitting that they had failed me.

I had to accept that it was just going to be me and my team of experts fighting for my health.

It was a hard road, filled with many tearful moments and I would consistently second guess my

worth, thinking to myself, how could they leave me?

 As time went on other adult figures in my life took me under their wing.

I began to realise I simply needed someone that cared to sit down and listen to me. Who at the end of my story looked at me and said

“I believe you” without hesitation. I needed the embrace that was a symbol for I stand with you.

So, you see. I would advise you, although your heart is hurting, and your

mind cannot understand why you are standing alone fighting for your justice.

do not burn yourself out trying to convince someone of your truth.

Because if you have to convince them, you will forever be convincing them to fight for you.

And you deserve more than that.

I remember my therapist and doctors all telling me that I alone had the strength to fight for myself. I didn’t believe them because I was thinking, how do you know?

I was convinced because they had not walked my journey that they did not know the strength it took to even stand tall in the morning.

But they were right.

so here I am now, I have walked the path you may be on now. I have been to hell and back.

I can tell you with my hand over my heart, YOU don’t need the people who turn their back on you.

so put your boxing gloves on, and fight!

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