One of the best gifts an adoptive parent can give their adopted child is keeping their story private.
I personally didn’t get that experience, so this article is to give insight about how important it is to do so, and two reasons why.
Every adoption is different, and every adoptee will have different things that will feel are sacred to them.
But I do believe many adopted kids prefer that if and when they are ready, they are the ones that share intimate details surrounding their adoption.
Here are two reasons why it’s important and how it benefits you both.
#1. Not oversharing your child’s story gives them privacy.
Privacy is not the same as secrecy, and I believe many people struggle to understand the difference.
Balancing how much information you give to other people about your child’s adoption story is important.
People will always hold genuine interest in stories about adoption, but that doesn’t mean every detail is something they need to know. So, make sure you know what part your child is comfortable with you sharing.
And yes, this rule still applies to the mums in mums’ group, your friends and that odd friend you bump into at the local grocery store.
That information is a need to know basis regardless who they are.
Even though you are a part of your child’s story, find a way to accept you can only talk about a part of it.
#2. Not oversharing protects the trust between you and your adopted child.
If you are capable of oversharing personal details of your child’s adoption process without their consent, then most likely they will feel you are capable of sharing other private aspects of their life.
This makes it harder for your child to connect with you and build a trusting relationship.
There are stages in a child’s life where you may think telling the intimate parts of your child’s story may not affect them.
But I can tell you, as a young child, having my adoption story spoken about was always uncomfortable and upsetting.
Around the age of eleven when people would come up to me with details I didn’t share with them, I fully realized why it upset me, I was utterly vulnerable around these people.
My vulnerability came from people thinking they knew me and were entitled to my thoughts based of information they heard about my life.
They felt like they knew my level of loss and my thoughts about being adopted.
I felt my life held no privacy, and I had lost the trust in my adopted parents.
So, let’s recap the benefits of withholding from oversharing.
#1 It keeps your child’s story their choice to share, and it gives them privacy growing up.
#2 And most importantly it protects and builds the trust between you and your adopted child.